Perception - Part 1

 I wanted to write a piece on perception, as I think I have a really interesting/different view on perception throughout my adult life and the problems that I’ve had. It’s such an interesting thing for me to want to talk about because I’ve always thought I had a very fixed view/limited understanding of others and how I interact with the world, but I don’t think I do - I think I can still be a little narrow minded, but my perception of the world is both interesting and complex.

What’s sort of fed this, is growing up and trying to figure out the outside world - through my autism meant I had a different perspective on bascially every aspect of life and I could only really see things from my perspective. The world was a very confusing place, for someone who sees the world very literally.. a world of rituals, social rules, expectations and pleasentries it’s an absolutely mind boggling place to fathom. I only really had my parents and siblings as a guide and with a family that’s also autistic, living in a rural village I didn’t get a lot of “exposure” shall we say to every day life. 

A bit of back history, but I won’t go deeply into it - my dad is deeply autistic, and we butted heads a lot. He had a very very fixed, arbitrary view on the world and I was a sponge to that growing up - when I learned that what he said wasn’t alway right, or it just plain didn’t make any sense.. we argued, a lot. His closed-mindedness did push me a lot as an adult to become a more open, considerate person who forms opinions based on facts and research, rather than arbitrary points of ill-informed fear. 

Life’s been a real journey and I’m a better person for it, I am more receptive to that which I don’t understand and do not assume I understand all the nuance of most situations. I’m not perfect, but - I do try,  and I feel much more inclusive as a person. I had to deal with some err, difficult years where I felt like I was opinonless and wasn’t allowed to take a strong stance to anything, or have a preference - for fear of being wrong, argumentative or confrontational and it’s only recently that things have got better and I feel I can once again express an opinion (note the use of the word opinion) and accept that it is a valid view, from my life - as much as anyone elses. 

Back on topic - this driver to understand the world, has taken many forms. From researching how the energy market/industry works, to making an informed choice about a washing machine.. learning social norms at bars they are all topics and things I can research and gather knowledge on. This has happened many many times over, on lots of little topics. All these little nuggets have made me very learned if I do say so myself and it means I have insight, thought and understanding on how things work from the ground up to the sky. 

This isn’t meant to be arrogant, I guess I am just good at sometimes drawing conclusions or logically putting bits of a puzzle together and seeing a picture. I do this with lots of things, it’s such a useful skill that I can apply to almost anything and have some understanding into it’s roots. I want to understand the world, most likely from that autistic child’s eye of “I must know why something happens, in order to undersand it”.

Example: We’re in Norfolk, we went to Great Yarmouth (which is like Blackpool, but cleaner) and we was going to the pleasure dome which is an attraction, peer with some food, rides, things like that. It looked very closed.. in my mind I knew the following;

- It’s Inside of term time

- Also near the end of the holiday season

- It would generally be quiet at such an attraction during the week

Throw COVID in and you’ve got a mix for something almost definitely being closed during the week due to just low foot fall. Low and behold, after looking on their website.. booked sessions only Saturday/Sunday.

So you maybe reading this thinking, that’s not such an usual thing to think? But my mind logically processed all of this.. in-order then drew a conclusion, my mind literally ran through those points. Think like a calculator, putting numbers in.. getting closer to a conclusion then getting the answer after checking your own calculations. 

I’m really impressed by my ability to read a situation and add seemingly unrelated things together and “understand” the reasons why, without being told the answer. It makes me feel in-tune with the world and understanding of how the way the world works, and if I can understand the way the world works.. then I can navigate it safely, free of stress and unreasonable expectations. 

It does, also conversely make me very frustrated at some very simplistic and short sighted views some hold (and no, this is not a judgement I get it) that perhaps haven’t thought of the “why is this happening” but are instead short-term angry at the situation they are faced/presented with. 

Example: I have a friend, who was very angry at the thought of bailing out some small energy companies that would cost the tax payer millions/billions and that was money that could have been spent on better public services, such as the NHS. On the face of it, he is absolutely right - we should be supporting and funding our public services appropriately. But, what’s he’s failed to think of here is that all the small companies that are going bust, were generally the most cost-effective in the market - because they had slim margins, they offered energy at a very minor premium and fixed their energy costs for their consumers across a year, putting a finger on what they thought an the average consumer would use and adding a small profit to that. 

They almost certainly made little operating profit and absolutely could not “weather” a sustained period of energy prices in the wholesale market rising.. unlike say.. British Gas. 

Now, the energy market doesn’t work like this in the background - energy prices change *constantly* based on demand, like a proper marketplace. What’s happened to make all these companies go bust is the cost of energy has nearly doubled in the wholesale market - no company, would have anticipated that. You now have basically your entire customer base on a fixed tarrif that they actively make a loss on - heck even the government’s price cap on energy tarrifs is below the current cost to buy energy. Can you see how this situation has happened? It’s hardly the small companies fault and I know their margins are razor thin (see, Outfox the market which demands an up-front direct debit every month - because they basically buy energy hand-to-mouth) and they’ve gone bust. If we don’t bail them out, we will be left with a monopoloy (which seems to be happening) and that’s where price-fixing appears, profiteering out of the poorest in society. Never mind his comments about spending money on the public sector, the government is probably issuing bonds to get this capital or simply printing money - it’s not cash in the bank to save them. They’re making money for this. 

There’s other parts of this, as to why our energy prices have soared.. due to a shortage of gas, lack of wind for renewables and the UK’s heavily relliant energy industry on gas for generating electricity. But I shan’t go into that here. 

OK so complex example, but I am just so proud of my ability to dissect an issue or situation and know the why something happens. It gives me great comfort and makes me feel like I have a grasp on the world around me. 

But, it can be a curse too with this insight and wisdom, it can be much more higher-level and I can see how it trickles down into other issues. You can see sinister things happening and society looking to the wrong people for recompence which is immensely frustrating as an adult who’s quite engaged in politics. You can see how short sighted politicians actions are, populist policies and speaches without much thought or consideration into how things *actually* work - the even more frustrating part of this is.. it’s not hard?

Now I do sound judgy, but I think there’s a few things you can do to just combat this. Assume you really don’t fully understand a topic, do some basic research - 30 minutes on a topic. You’ll probably learn more than what say the minister for eductaion knows about how the education system works. Isn’t it immensely frustating that we live in a world where leaders are chosen based on characteristics rather than skill or experience? 

Anyway - I do not want to get into politics, I merely wanted to demonstrate a point that this insight is also a curse at times. I’ve learned that sometimes not knowing is nice, just being accepting of “what is” rather than being immensely frustated by the lack of change in the world, especially when it effects peoples quality of lives. You can’t fix the worlds problems, nor should you have/need to - but you can do your bit to make people a little bit more open minded, challenge their views.. but go to bed at night not worrying about how the poor will feed themselves at christmas because of high energy prices (this does not mean I do not care).

Maybe perhaps I do and have anaylysed the problem way more than the average person would do (I almost certainly have) but we live in a complex world where simplistic answers don’t work. And these things clearly are the way the world “truly” works - maybe that’s not what’s “on paper” but what does that matter.. when the real-world actions and consequences don’t reflect what happens.

I want to turn this into a series and talk more about perception, as this is just one facet of it but it’s something I experience daily in my life and shapes my thoughts, opinions and views on the world.